Have you ever gone to a doctors appointment that you felt would just be a waste of time?
Thats how I felt last Wednesday as I drove alone from Sacramento to San Francisco to an appointment for a symptom management clinic. I felt perhaps I had been referred because I was a "bad patient", someone who could not handle chemo well (which I acknowledge to be true some of the time).
I sat in the waiting room filling out the survey of my symptoms and emotional state, waiting the obligatory hour at UCSF (the only negative I have found in their service), I got to the last question on the form referring to my cancer treatment, "sense of peace". I put that I am 100% at peace, because I am. You've all read why on this blog. But I wondered if they would believe me.
I've quit wearing a wig very often and have sort of gotten used to the funny looks that a scarf and a hat get when I got out in public. But as I walked into the consult, it was my turn to try and disguise the surprise. The doctor was missing his left arm below the elbow and his left leg.
I wanted to ask why but I didn't.
Suddenly the appointment took on another light. I perceived him to be more compassionate (after all, he has suffered) and I listened very carefully to all he had to say. He introduced himself by his first name and then he carefully listened to all of my sufferings. One by one, down the list.
One person sat and listened to all that I had been going through. It was an overall assessment of my care. After listening, he did some teaching (I need to walk more, among other things) and then changed my meds, wrote my some new Rx and gave me hope that I could get through the last 2 chemos.
The social worker participated for part of the appointment and as she left she said to me, "I can't get over the peace you have in this process. We just don't see that." The doctor, indicating the kleenex box in the middle of his table said, "most people don't get through this interview, I can see that your faith and the support of your friends, family and church have done a lot for you".
100% at peace. Yup, they believed me.
17 responses to this post:
Marvelous update, Brenda! A song just played in my mind: "Peace that my Saviour has given, Peace that descendeth from Heaven... As high as the mountain, and deep as the sea is the peace Jesus gives to me."
On a side note, I would like to let you know I joined a meme, mostly participated in by young mothers, that features a blog that we admire. The main theme is You are Inspirational. I featured you on my post, because I don't want to keep the inspiration I get from your writings to myself.
This is the link to the post:
http://delineatingdes.blogspot.com/2009/07/you-are-inspirational-brendas-blog-from.html
Thank you very much, Brenda for being an inspiration to us who read your blog.
WOOT...what an excellent post. You go girl :)
That is so beautiful!
What a beautiful post...you humble and inspire me...God is faithful, and He is good...all the time...Lisa
Great Job! I'm such a blubber - I would've used the entire box of tissues. The Lord used you though, didn't He! The hymn that comes to my mind is, "It is Well With My Soul..."
God does provide that peace that most don't understand.
I also love how God in His wonderful way of working things out had you meet with a doctor who too has obviously suffered and has an empathetic ear.
Peace I leave with you. My peace I give to you. Not as the world gives. Let not your heart be troubled and don't be afraid.
I love those words of Jesus. How cool is that during such a troubling, confusing time for the disciples Jesus gave them peace.
I know He is giving it to you too.
♥
Joy
What a blessing that you can witness while going through such a difficult time. God is good--all the time. All the time--God is good. Hoping and praying for a good week for you!
Beautiful post, Brenda...a testimony to His grace.
I´m so glad you have such peace! And so proud to know someone like you. It inspires me, as I´ve said many time already!
What a wonderful testimony, Brenda! You inspire and you point the way to Jesus, all at the same time! :)
I'm so touched by this post, Brenda. The peace of Christ is evident in you.
Wow Brenda, that is wonderful to hear. I've only ever heard positive things said about UCSF, and now, after this post, I believe them all!
I hope you had an enjoyable Fourth of July!
Amen for your peace, the benefits of your appointment and for a little witness to the staff at UCSF. :)
Brenda-
The first time you commented on my blog was for my post "It was a Jonah Day". I did not post the details of my day, choosing instead to share a comfort recipe. :-) But that day I found out an uncle died as I was leaving for an appointment. Since I was crying I wasn't paying attention to where I was going and backed my truck into my house. I was late to the appointment because I stopped to make sure the house was okay. :)And at the appointment they found a lump... Later that evening I clicked on your name and found my way to your blog and found such an incredible peace and was reminded that God was in control. Thank you for sharing your story and inspiring others to share in your peace. -Alea
Sometimes we do better than we think, and you proved that. I wonder if the peace comes from your life in Paraguay. I know you've been back for several months now but I'd like to hear your thoughts on how the peace you bring with you is related to your lifestyle in Paraguay. I'm very happy the Doctor listened to you.
That's an incredible testament to your faith. Thanks for sharing your blog with us. We all need some reminding from time to time.
Great post- I am a little late for last week's bpotw, but I wanted to say that I am very happy to read this and I will be back. You have inspired me and I am truly grateful to come across this tonight.
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